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The GoFuckYourself

Seen above is a rare species of the Nigerian-born Go Fuck Yourself; an elusive marsupial that spends most of its days hunting for used cars. But these aren't any old used cars let me tell you...The Go Fuck Yourself only mates with red hatchback Honda Civics from the year 1998 or older. I know, a true tastemaker.

The EatShit

EatShit's have lurked the streets of Mobile, Alabama and West Chester, Pennsylvania for over 200 years. EatShit's come out between the hours of 2:33am and 3:98am. They're nocturnal, but sleep for roughly 22.41 hours per day, only to awaken for feeding. The EatShit is a vicious sewer lurker, squeezing it's thick torso through storm drains just long enough to pillage the local Village Inn Cafe before truck drivers pack the house. Beware, EatShit's wear a size 34 waist in Levi's, and they will find you.

The Blundering Dunderhead

There's not much to say about the Blundering Dunderhead. A complete imbecile. Always hoarding office snacks, and you can bet they're always late to the weekly veterinarian board meeting. Sticky notes piled up between their ears. Haven't had a haircut since yesterday. Not well kept, but if you've ever been to Michigan's Adventure Theme Park you'd get it.